Let’s look at a few of our common traditions.
Traditions are part of the Metal element. It is doing what is expected at the right time. There is a certain rigidness to traditions. In many families it is a tragedy that you break traditions. It is a time of solidarity, carrying on what has held you together for generations.
Gathering with family
This can be a huge Hurray! or a bigger Ugh!
Not everyone likes their family members. You didn’t come with any guarantees when you were born including the concept of ‘happy family’. For you it may only be a vegetable dish you get in a Chinese restaurant. If you really don’t like the experience maybe this is the time to create your own tradition with a ‘new’ family. As our society has dispersed across the country for school, jobs, relationships it is time to focus on the positive that we do have. Coworkers new to the area with no one to celebrate with, parents alone with kids having to work or vice versa. We can use this time to make new connections, family. We don’t have to feel alone or isolated because we can’t or want to go back home. We can celebrate fully right where we are now.
Eating turkey.
The Pilgrims may or may not have really done this but the fall harvest is something to celebrate. We take a review of all we have acquired during the past year and share the bounty with those feasting with us. It is more than the food we have put aside for getting through the winter. It can be a pay raise, change in jobs or a new home or relationship. These are all something to celebrate and be grateful for.
Holidays and Grief
If you are the one usually in charge of organizing the feast and you are grieving the loss of a love one, just say NO!
Let others pick up the ball, take the load off. Be clear that you need the break from the burden of doing it all but you don’t want to be left out either. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and need.
However if you do want a breather from all the activities this year feel free to speak up for that also ,even at the last minute. It is a time for change and it will take some time to get into new patterns and feelings of security.
It’s OK to feel sad but you can also take control of your fear of sadness by setting aside a few minutes in the gathering to remember the missing loved one. Create a new tradition in which everyone can participate. Share a favorite photo or story about the person. Let any emotion out and share in the love and support from the others in the gathering. You are probably not the only one grieving.
When it is time to leave, give yourself permission to do so. You don’t have to be the last one out the door.
In the end it is about giving thanks – for the good, the bad and the ugly. Much learning and growth can come out of loss and suffering if you allow it. Life is about growing. Seeing and appreciating new things, letting go of what is no longer needed.
Take a day and make time for this. We complain all the time of how we don’t have enough time and we are given this opportunity on a turkey platter. I say gobble it up!